An Everyday Asylum
by crookshanks11
Summary: The string of events that led up to Amy and Rory's divorce in Asylum of the Daleks. Chaptered. Rated M to be safe.
1. Fifth Time's a Charm

**TRIGGER WARNINGS: This story contains mentions of the following:**  
**- depression**  
**- infertility**  
**- substance abuse**

* * *

Fifth time's a charm.

Amy shook the stick quickly, wanting to know and wanting to remain ignorant at the same time. Please, please, please.

Slowly, she rose it to her eye level. Sure enough, there was a small blue minus sign that she was met with once more, taunting her.

Amy angrily threw the test into the rubbish bin next to the toilet and covered her eyes with her hands. Strike five. Guess it wasn't so lucky after all.

She hurriedly pulled her skirt on and washed her hands, not wanting Rory to wonder what was taking so long. She couldn't disappoint him – not again. They're just going to have to try harder next time, she thought, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Amy, you're missing it! This is the best part!" Rory called from the sitting room.

"I'm coming!" she shouted back as she hastily made sure the pregnancy test was well-hidden beneath the rubbish. Of course Amy knew he would be wondering within the next couple of days (as they did every month) but she would rather him bring it up than having to talk about it herself. Maybe he'll just forget.

She scurried back into the living room and next to her husband on the sofa. They were watching some movie that Rory claimed to be absolutely hilarious, and Amy thought that it probably would've been had her mind not drifted while they were watching it.

They'd been trying for a baby for a few months now. Taking a break from traveling with the Doctor reminded them of how much they missed Melody and longed for a family of their own.

Every test came out negative, and Amy was growing increasingly frustrated. What were they doing wrong? She and Rory both were following her doctor's orders to a tee. She had waited all her life and she was sick of it. Rory wanted kids more than anything, and the more she thought about it, she did too. It didn't take much the first time, so what was the problem now?

These thoughts were making her feel ill all throughout the movie. Eventually she couldn't stand it and got up to use the loo, secretly stealing another test from underneath her sock drawer, praying for the good news that didn't come.

"Okay, basically the guy with the beard is trying to flirt with Mr. Olvidar's sister, but he doesn't know that that's who she is," Rory recapped as she walked back into the room. "It's brilliant."

Eager to hide the disappointment fogging her mind, Amy replied, "Yeah, brilliant. Want to pass me the popcorn?"

Rory handed her the bowl and looked at her curiously. "Are you not enjoying the movie?"

"No, no!" said Amy, now realizing that she might've come off as cynical. "Of course I am. I'm just tired, that's all."

"We can finish it tomorrow if you want to go to bed. You do have that photoshoot early tomorrow morning anyhow."

"It's okay," Amy said. She didn't want to add to the list of disappointments that she's caused. She took a handful of popcorn. "I'm eager to see Mr. Olvidar's reaction."

He smiled. "Good."

Amy snuggled up closer to him and pulled the blanket over the both of them as she reentered the fictional world flashing in their TV screen, an aching worry tucked away at the back of her mind.

* * *

**I have a lot of this story written already, so I'll be posting chapter often. It would make my day to get a review (positive, constructive, anything)!**

**Please let me know what you think or what you would like to see! Thanks for reading **


	2. Agents and Ladies' Wear

It wasn't the modeling that made Rory uneasy. No, he would never be that superficial and dislike Amy's career because of the connotation.

Besides, he knew she enjoyed it and he'd support whatever made her happy. It was just…

Things were different after Amy's big Petrichor gig. Suddenly she was a B-list London model, constantly getting calls for shoots and opportunities. That was great, at first, but then it became too much.

Eventually, this woman called Amy saying that she'd like to represent her as her agent. Amy accepted the offer, as she would no longer have to worry about scheduling and logistics, and the agent would find many jobs for her.

Amy met with Angela Esslemont for tea at home one fall morning before hiring her.

It was Rory's day off of work, and he wanted to be there to talk over the offer with Amy so she wouldn't make any rash career decisions.

Rory was fixing the tea when the doorbell rang. Amy flew down the stairs (as she had been up in their bedroom, checking her makeup) and answered the door.

"Hi! Miss Esslemont, right?" he heard Amy say.

"Please, dear, call me Angela," a woman's voice responded.

"Here, come on in. It's freezing out there." They chatted about the weather for a moment before Amy took her coat and invited her into the kitchen.

"What a charming house you have, Amy," Angela commented as they made their way out of the foyer.

"Thanks. It's cozy, isn't it?" Amy walked first into the kitchen. Angela paused when she saw Rory by the sink.

"And who's this?"

"Oh, this is my husband, Rory." Amy took Rory's elbow and pulled him forward.

Rory smiled and put out his hand. "Nice to meet you."

Angela looked from Amy to Rory and back again. She hesitantly shook his hand. "Nice to meet you," she replied, pursing her lips, then turned back to Amy. "I didn't know you were married."

"Really?" Amy gave a little laugh and patted Rory on the back. "Sorry if I didn't mention it before."

Angela grinned overly-sweetly. "You seem awfully young to be married."

"Nah, we've been married nearly nine years."

"My, nine years? Any children?"

Rory felt something hollow in the pit of his stomach and the smile fell from Amy's face. "Uh, no. No kids."

"Well, I must say, it's very unusual to have a married woman in the modeling business."

"Really?" Rory spoke up. "Why?"

"For one thing, you're constantly surrounded by handsome male models all day long! They can be very tempting," Angela chuckled. "I'm only joking, of course, dear."

Rory suddenly felt a bit uncomfortable. "Right then, who wants tea?"

They sat at the kitchen table for forty minutes or so, talking business and making arrangements – well, at least Amy and Angela were. Rory was there mostly there for money consulting and to interfere when he had to.

"I was thinking of scheduling you in this shoot for a Cynthia's catalogue, Amy, and –"

"Hold on," Rory chimed in. "Isn't Cynthia's – erm – ladies wear?"

"Yes, it is 'ladies wear'," Angela said exasperatedly. "Is there anything wrong with that?"

"It's just that – well –" he turned to Amy. "I didn't think you'd want to be one of those types of models."

Amy folded her arms. "And _what _type of model is that?"

Rory instantly regretted his word choice. "No, I don't mean – look, are you really comfortable with being a lingerie model?"

Amy furrowed her brows. "Oh, so _my_ career choices are being judged by _you _now, are they?"

"Amy, you're putting words in my mouth!"

"Rory, dear, you should really listen to what your wife's trying to say," Angela said.

"_Thank you_, Angela," Amy said, "And sure, I'll take the job."

Rory sighed and kept quiet for the rest of the meeting while Amy and Angela giggled and gossiped and made arrangements. Rory would support his wife's decisions. But this was going to be a tough one and he didn't think the lot of his uneasiness had to do with lingerie.

* * *

**Sorry that these chapters are a bit short, but don't worry, there will be a lot! I have written quite a few so far and hopefully I'll be able to post them soon :)**


	3. Covert Med Tests

As time went on, Amy grew increasingly more frustrated about their apparent inability to conceive. She was irritable and even the littlest, most irrelevant things made her annoyed – especially Rory's _disapproval_ of some aspects of her career.

Unable to stand anymore waiting, Amy secretly scheduled an appointment with her gynecologist, hoping for at least some tips if not answers.

The tricky thing is that Dr. Ingrid worked in the same hospital building that Rory worked in. She did not want him to know that she was making a visit; he had no reason to worry. Everything was going to be fine.

Amy made sure that it was scheduled on one of Rory's days off, more specifically when he was out of the house.

So the following Wednesday, Rory went out to play football with some of his mates and then hit the pub afterwards – more than enough time for Amy to sneak out.

The waiting room was packed with other women. Some were there alone, like her, presumably for a check-up; many were pregnant; and some had their husbands at their sides. Amy suddenly felt very uneasy.

"Amelia Williams?" the nurse called, clipboard in hand.

"Amy's fine, thanks," she corrected with a smile as she followed the nurse down the hall. They ran the standard procedures of any doctor's appointment. Weight check, blood pressure, med list, reason for scheduling. The nurse had Amy change into a hospital gown then went to fetch Dr. Ingrid.

In time, the doctor entered the room and Amy could feel her breathing hitch.

"Hi, Amy. Good to see you," Dr. Ingrid smiled and shook Amy's hand.

"You, too," she replied but she didn't really mean it.

Dr. Ingrid looked down at the nurse's notes. "So, you and your husband are still trying to conceive, correct?"

"Correct."

"Alright, and how long has it been since you started trying?"

"A few months."

She scribbled something down. "And you've been –"

"— following your advice and my normal doctor's, yes," Amy finished the sentence for her.

"Great. Now, what brings you here today, Amy?"

Amy hesitated, thinking carefully about what she wanted to say next. "Well, nothing's worked, and…it's been a while, so I…I was wondering if you could…give us any other help?"

"Not if you're already following my recommendations," Dr. Ingrid said, pushing her glasses up. "I could provide you with some supplements, but if you're following a healthy diet and not taking any drugs I'm afraid that it wouldn't make much of a difference."

"Right. See, we've been at it for a while, and…I don't really know what to do at this point, it's like…it's like we've done everything. My point is, if there's some sort of, I don't know, operation or something –"

"For that we would have to get you tested," the doctor explained. "First a physical exam, then a blood test. I can also ask more detailed questions about your ovulation cycle, but without your husband's sperm sample I'm afraid that there's not much –"

"That's alright," Amy said a bit too quickly.

"Okay, well, would you like to run these tests today?"

Amy hesitated. "Er – yes, sure. Anything."

"Brilliant. We can run the tests today and mail you the results in a couple days. Then we can discuss options for further treatment."

"Okay," Amy took a deep breath and suddenly wished very much that Rory was with her as she saw Dr. Ingrid preparing the instruments that looked similar to the ones they used on her at Demon's Run.

* * *

**I've been trying to follow an alternating narration pattern (Amy-Rory-Amy-Rory etc.) so I hope that it's not too confusing.**


	4. Tired of Waiting

Around seven o'clock, Rory heard the lock turn in front door and in came Amy, looking beautiful and exhausted.

"How was work?" he asked over his shoulder as he set the knife he was using to cut the tomatoes back down on the kitchen counter.

"Fun," she threw her bag down and joined him in the kitchen. "Hard."

Rory put his hands on her hips and gave her a kiss. "You do look awfully worn out."

"Er – I'm probably just tired," she replied too quickly. The truth was she was extremely anxious about getting her results back, and apparently it showed. In a sense she _was_ tired. Tired of waiting.

"There's nothing wrong with that," Rory said, somewhat frowning. "What, do you think you're getting sick or something?"

"No, no. Not sick. I told you, I just need some sleep."

"Then should we not…you know…give it a go tonight?" Rory asked cautiously, fumbling with his hands. After years of marriage Rory still felt a bit awkward talking about sex outside of the bedroom.

Amy regretted saying anything. They needed to keep trying. "No, of course not, don't be stupid."

Rory smiled. "Okay, well, I made us some dinner and this time I _promise_ that I didn't burn the chicken."

Her mood increased slightly and she smirked. "Look at you, Mister Pond. On our way to become the best chef in England, are we?"

"Maybe just London, first," Rory played along as he served the salad into two bowls.

As they ate and talked, Amy fell even more in love with Rory as she did every day, and couldn't help but envision how complete their little family will feel when dinners are joined by a beautiful newborn baby that will have Amy's hair and Rory's eyes and fill the child-sized hole in their hearts.

* * *

**Sorry for the long wait! Don't worry, there's a lot to come and I have many chapters written already – ****I've just been too busy to post them. I'm going to try to stick to a few-times-a-week updating schedule.**

**Thank you for all the kind reviews, they help me write faster! :) I wasn't sure if anyone would like this story, so I really appreciate all of your support!**


	5. Her Hair and Rory's Eyes

Amy waited until Rory left for work to check the mail. Sure enough, she found the professional-looking envelope addressed "AMY WILLIAMS" from the hospital. This was it.

The walk from the mailbox back into the house felt like a year though it was only a couple of meters. Her hands trembled a bit with the letter in her hands. Why was she so nervous? This was just like the results from a check-up; confirmation that everything was okay so they could move forward. Why wouldn't it be okay?

Even though she was alone in the house, she took it into the master bathroom and shut the door behind her, needing a sense of privacy. She put down the toilet lid and sat down, slowly beginning to undo the envelope.

Amy carefully slipped out the letter and took a deep breath before opening it. Underneath all the official logos and stationary at the top, it read:

DEAR MRS. WILLIAMS,

WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT

Her heart stopped beating for a moment. It was all she could do to keep the sick that was poking at the back of her throat down. Her head fell into her hands on its own accord, and suddenly her whole body felt numb.

Unable to resist, she read on. It read that she was apparently rendered "infertile by means which have never been seen before in this office". _Infertile_. The word her brain's been dancing around for months but never stopped to address the possibility.

And what about the "means that have never been seen" line? She had never had a procedure or anything, how…?

Demon's Run.

She balled up the letter and threw it into the rubbish bin, the home of all the negative pregnancy tests, where no one could find it.

Finally everything made sense, fit together like a puzzle made of all her misfortunes, and all she could do was weep. She wept out of anger and grief and sadness all balled into one new, grey emotion which she could not explain. She wept for herself, how she can never raise a child of her own, have those wonderful experiences that seemingly all women get to have; for the hate for the Silence and Madame Kovarian that was boiling up all over again, how they took not only one baby from her, but any baby she'd hope to have; for the children that could've been, with her hair and Rory's eyes, had her body not been unfit for another living being to grow; and for Rory, who's life-long dreams of having a child of his own would never come true.

All this, all this trying and worry – it had all been for Rory. But now, once she knew that she could never have them, Amy realized how much she wanted kids of her own.

These fantasies – Rory pushing a little girl with ginger hair on a swingset while Amy happily balanced a boy with sandy blonde hair on her hip; keeping Rory from getting out his sword when their daughter's prom date came to pick her up; Rory holding Amy's hand during labor, giving her words of encouragement, being there like he couldn't be the first time – these seemed so real in her mind for so many months that it was only when Amy learned of its impossibility did she know how much she yearned for it.

Amy didn't know what to do, what to think, and in that moment she could only weep.


End file.
